A Wooden Leg Named Smith

Artificial Legs left behind at hotels

Guys have an entirely different attitude about prosthetics than girls do. M for Amazing was with our son, Mvich, doing something manly man with a chainsaw, and they were both having a great time when Mazing teased, "Yeah, but are you still going to like being with me when I'm bald, eating mushed bananas, and have a wooden leg?" Mvich's eyes lit up and he blurted out, "Heck yes, more!"

And then they talked like pirates for the rest of the day.

A guy has to get pretty snarled up before he considers it a detriment. Scars, body parts that bend wrong or are missing, jagged gaping pus wounds - all pretty much enthusiastically embraced by boys.  Yet I can remember being tiny and hearing about women in the old ages who were scarred by small pox, and even at that small age I felt that would be horrific.  I immediately began planning my strategy in case anything like that ever happened to me.  I decided I would wear pretty scarves and veils and didn't worry about it anymore because I thought my eyes were the prettiest part of me anyway.  I was young and innocent and didn't realise that eyes can go missing, too.

This all came back to me when a man with a prosthesis passed me on the sidewalk a few days ago.  I stared. Blatantly.  But not out of rudeness - out of sheer envy.  It was awesome.  Sleek metal, beautifully functioning, totally exposed, with the minimalist elegance of an Eames Hair Pin coffee table leg. This was an accessory.  I was enthralled.  Why can't girl's prosthetics be that cool?  Maybe they are, maybe I just haven't paid attention?  So I looked them up.

No, they're not, not really.  They function, but they're not what you would call adornments. Which is quite a missed opportunity if you think about how much girls like to accessorize, decorate, and embellish. I've begun planning for the future again.  (I do that a lot, I can't ever drive anywhere without looking out the window and thinking, "That would be a good place to live if I ever become homeless...") I've picked out veils, vintage Vera Neumann scarves from Etsy, and Venetian Masks. (After researching those I'm dying to go The Carnival of Venice - I always thought that was just a child's song!) If things are really drastic, I now know about Robert Barron, an ex-CIA Master of Disguise who devotes his time to making super-realistic silicone masks and false limbs for people whose disfigurement severely impacts their ability to socialize and be part of the world flow. Be forewarned about following his link, though, while his talents and what he does with them is uplifting, some of the victim's stories are graphic and will make you weep at mankind's capacity for cruelty.

Robert Barron's handcrafted prosthetics

I'm not trying to make light of the suffering that goes on in people's lives, physically and emotionally.  I actually want that to be diminished, if not outright obliterated.  Bodies are just physical representations of ourselves, a way to get from one place to another, a way to do, a way to interact.  The world view of what denotes a "perfect body" is pretty messed up.  (I like that Christ was considered perfect not because he was good looking, but because his body worked and wasn't broken)

Sarah Leen Nat Geo
Skinprosthetics: silicone mask

Our physical looks are a lot like spelling.  Supposedly the whole point of writing is to communicate a thought from your brain into another. Spelling is an aid to avoid confusion. A tool. That's all. But it's become more.  Spell incorrectly and people make judgments about you. Even though they perfectly understand what you said; even though you've succeeded in your goal. They will see you as inferior, uneducated, not intelligent.  In a perfect world this wouldn't happen.

It's never going to be a perfect world.

geisha image via steampunk image via

So why should poor spellers and amputees have to spend their lives walking against the massive world tide? Exhausting. Unfair. A waste of time.  Spellers have spell check, people with physical concerns should have options that feel like an extension of themselves, another way to personalize, an aid to interaction. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could playfully switch out our looks in real life, the way we do on our computer avatars?  One day we could be a delicate, porcelain geisha and the next day rock  steampunk steel?  Or maybe just don large sunglasses and a vintage silk scarf ala Grace Kelly? Or wear our super hero mask? Put on an arm as intricately engraved as a piece of ivory? Or one with coloured anodized aluminum flowers and peace signs?

I think artificial aids should be so cool we'd all want one.